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PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2012 4:17 am 
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Angry Sun
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Hey ya, everyone. I guess its a blue moon and time for me to post. ;) This summer has been rather eventful. This shall be a story... You might want to make some popcorn.

So, I have been unemployed for a long time because of medical issues. I finally got it diagnosed as IBS for the moment, but there is a possibility it could be Chrohn's. I just cannot afford the testing to verify and my doctor is very conscious of my financial problems. I spent all last semester scrapping pennies and in excruciating pain. When summer finally rolled around, I tried my best to find a job but constantly met resistance because of horrible reasons. I was broke and could no longer afford to live on my own until I fixed my health problems and my financial situation. I called my mother up and asked her if I could move in for the summer until I figured out if I could go to school this next semester or not. She said sure, and that she would come and get me and my stuff two weeks later.

A week after this call, mid to late June, I emailed her. I told her that she, and the rest of the family, knew I am transgender and for well over a year now. I told her I go by Emily now and that I use she/her in reference to me. A direct line from my email was " It would mean absolutely the world to me if we could do this with out confrontation." She did not respond to this and a week passed. It is now late June. She drove to Columbia, MO from Kansas City, MO. We loaded up my stuff and gave away a -lot- of my furniture because there just wasn't room. Some really good, valuable stuff too. I had a friend with me to help and he was going to carry a load in his car. In 107F weather, I moved everything out by myself so it would be a quick loading process for the rest of the family.

They got here and, sparing insignificant details, we got everything loaded. When we were discussing how to get back to Kansas City, thats when everything started to fall apart. She started to use, pointedly, my male name and pronouns. I started correcting her and each time she got louder and more forceful until she exploded. "You know what?! You're moving in with me! You don't get to make the fucking rules!" At this, I was absolutely dumbfounded.

"What? Mom? Please, I know its going to be rough bu-"

"No! You don't get to make the rules! I raised a son! You were always a boy, and you're a man now! I'm not going to call you... that name." She wouldn't even say "Emily". She just said that venomous phrase.

From here, I lost myself as well. I blew up. My mother is one of the few people that can cause me to completely lose control. She called me selfish for being transgender, threatened physical violence, and each time I asked "Why didn't you say this would be a problem?! You knew about this! You could have even called me and told me how horrible I am and not have drove up here!" Each time, she had no response. She would bring in God, and then say how absolutely hard this is on her and how embarrassed she is of me. My dad may have gave me two black eyes and fractured my nose, but he was immediately remorseful when he sobered up. My mom was sober, clean, and this manipulative bile was from her heart. Her threat of violence was stalled only by my emotional strength, the disgusted look on my face that dared her to try. She knew that in my mind, her threats were no different to me than the actual act.

Finally, she said "This stops now, or I unload everything!"

I was stunned. I realized this was a crucial moment of my life. "I'd rather starve on the streets than live with this."

I took my stand, and I meant it. She did not believe it and tried to call a bluff. "Alright!" she called to my brother, her boyfriend, and my friend, "He wants us to unload it, so we will fucking unload it!" Rejection. This was true and absolute rejection. I had tasted it from former friends, but never from my flesh and blood. She was serious, and I knew that. I would later learn through my brother that she didn't expect me stand for myself; she thought my stance was merely a bluff. And so, I watched my things be unceremoniously unloaded and tossed into the yard.

In this moment of my life, I had absolutely no one. No one in the world. My friend who was helping me move, Scott, saw this and was beyond angry. As they were unloading he started to let it out. "Well, I wish I knew this would happen so I wouldn't have wasted my time."

My mom thought this would be a great time to drive into me, "Yeah, hes selfish like that, he doesn't think of anyone el-"

But she was wrong, "No bitch! I am not talking about her! I am talking about you! You knew this would happen! You had a week to be a piece of shit! Why did you have to drive all the way up here to do this?!" Now, I am not exactly clear on how most of this day happened, but I remember the generalities and if this isn't exactly how it happened, its the way I remember it. What I do know is that he started to drill into her for being manipulative and controlling. He stood up for me when I had no one else. I will always remember that.

If the fight between me and my mother was WWIII, the fight between Scott and her was intergalactic devastation. She brought up God to him, an avowed atheist who sees Christianity as a root of evil. She brought up my "selfishness" and it was greeted with her manipulation. Eventually, her boyfriend got into the fray and said that where he is from, this wouldn't have happened. Scott asked James (the boy friend) what he would have done. James just glared at me in silence for a couple of seconds and then said "We would have stopped it". Scott and I both knew that he meant violence. My mother is naive if she doesn't realize this. From there, it quickly lead to them driving off and leaving me in the dust. In two weeks I would have to be out, no matter what.

In two weeks, July 8th, my birthday, I was homeless and I have been since. I have been lucky to have such great friends who love me to death and refused to let me go roofless. I am lucky that I was able to get a job at Target, despite it only being a month long job and starting too late to be of much good at this moment. I am especially lucky I will have a large sum of student aid come in this semester and that I have friend who will let me move in the 6th with no move in costs.

I'll make it through. Hormones... They have made me physically weaker and emotionally softer. However, that does not translate into a weaker person. Despite new vulnerabilities, I am a stronger person for the simple fact that I will stand for myself. I will not be trifled or trampled over, not even by those who call me family.

I will overcome and those who hinder will be shown the door out of my life.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2012 10:32 am 
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Despite the issues with my family, I have to say that my sister would be supportive of decisions like you have made, as I would if she of my brother did the same. That's my way of saying that I can't know what you're going through, but we're here to help and talk as always. Glad to hear you at least have some friends who can help.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2012 12:48 pm 
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Yeah, the supportive and amazing friends and community here has truly been a humbling experience. :)

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2012 7:01 pm 
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Sanctusorium wrote:
I was stunned. I realized this was a crucial moment of my life. "I'd rather starve on the streets than live with this."

well done! well fucking done! congratulations.

she sounds exactly like my mum and bea's mum. You did what you had to and anyone that sees it otherwise is a privileged motherfucker with no clue.

I know it's pretty hollow coming from another country, but you are ALWAYS welcome to live with our family indefinitely if it comes to that.


you're a rose amongst thorns. fuck that bitch.

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Image i dreamed that I fucked my cat. She had big human arms and force fed me the medicine I've been force feeding her for the last two weeks. Then she forced me to sit on her lap so she could pet me to assure me she still loves me.
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Also, Gimp, I can see your dick from my house


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2012 7:30 pm 
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gimp wrote:
Sanctusorium wrote:
I was stunned. I realized this was a crucial moment of my life. "I'd rather starve on the streets than live with this."

well done! well fucking done! congratulations.

she sounds exactly like my mum and bea's mum. You did what you had to and anyone that sees it otherwise is a privileged motherfucker with no clue.

I know it's pretty hollow coming from another country, but you are ALWAYS welcome to live with our family indefinitely if it comes to that.


you're a rose amongst thorns. fuck that bitch.


here here

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i almost didn't want to do it at first, but then i remembered where i put my balls.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2012 9:39 pm 
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I got bann3ded!!1
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I believe out of all the people in my life that I have actually had a full conversation with, IRL or online, you are now #1 in terms of respect. I'm really proud of you for having the balls ( :coookieesssss: ) to stand up for yourself no matter what the cost. I don't think I know anyone that would knowingly give up a roof over their head to stand up for who they are. If you're ever in NJ, I'm buying you a beer or five.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2012 10:00 pm 
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So, wow...fuck. I didn't know your dad actually drunkenly beat you.

Fuck, you know what? You have terrible family. They're a bunch of cunts, and you can do better without them.

Maybe someday they'll realize that they can't deny who you identify as, and maybe they'll grow the fuck up and act like decent human beings.

But, good on you. You stood up for yourself, and that makes me respect the everloving fuck out of you.

Count this as a victory. If you actually caved in and let her manipulate you like that...well, shit, I don't even know.

You're one of the strongest people I know, I think. I've never met another person who has just had so many terrible things come between them and their happiness, and you somehow find a way to keep going. Don't ever lose sight of that, because that is a hell of a good characteristic to have.

Seriously, I'm proud of you.

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For someone who uses the ":3" emoticon way too much you're a scary motherfucker.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2012 11:16 pm 
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Nameless88 wrote:
So, wow...fuck. I didn't know your dad actually drunkenly beat you.

Fuck, you know what? You have terrible family. They're a bunch of cunts, and you can do better without them.

Maybe someday they'll realize that they can't deny who you identify as, and maybe they'll grow the fuck up and act like decent human beings.

But, good on you. You stood up for yourself, and that makes me respect the everloving fuck out of you.

Count this as a victory. If you actually caved in and let her manipulate you like that...well, shit, I don't even know.

You're one of the strongest people I know, I think. I've never met another person who has just had so many terrible things come between them and their happiness, and you somehow find a way to keep going. Don't ever lose sight of that, because that is a hell of a good characteristic to have.

Seriously, I'm proud of you.

I was going to say things and then Nameless said it all better than I probably would have, but yeah, seriously, we're all proud of you and accept you for who you are, just so you know.

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 12:20 am 
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breaking away from the things we've been lead to believe, in search of understanding; is one of the most admirable things someone can do. i may not have much of a frame of reference for what your life has been about, but i can respect you in spite of decisions i don't quite understand.

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 1:48 am 
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family are fucked. i saw an ad campaign on tv the other day for kids, telling them to report their parents to the authorities for things that I experienced on a daily basis growing up. i guess the world is still changing, just painfully slowly.
these are excepts from the un's universal declaration of human rights (1948). sorry for the gender bias, their words.


Article 1.
All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.

Article 2.
Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status.

Article 3.
Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person.

Article 5.
No one shall be subjected ... to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.

Article 12.
No one shall be subjected to arbitrary interference with his privacy, family, home or correspondence, nor to attacks upon his honour and reputation.

Article 18.
Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion; this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief, and freedom, either alone or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in teaching, practice, worship and observance.

Article 19.
Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers.

Article 22.
Everyone, as a member of society, has the right to ... the free development of his personality.

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Image i dreamed that I fucked my cat. She had big human arms and force fed me the medicine I've been force feeding her for the last two weeks. Then she forced me to sit on her lap so she could pet me to assure me she still loves me.
Nameless88 wrote:
Also, Gimp, I can see your dick from my house


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 3:08 am 
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Angry Sun
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This thread is exactly why this community is dear to me. Thank you every one, thank you for reading this and the kind thoughts. They may come from thousands of miles away, but I still feel them. Ya'll have been the most kind and supportive people in my life and I haven't even met a one of you in real life.

Again, thank you. It is so sweet to see it.

PS: blame, totally up for that if I am ever in NJ!

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 4:16 am 
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You're awesome, brosis <3

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 8:49 am 
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Now that we've gotten all the mushy lovey bullshit out the way lets get down to business..

TITS or GTFO
haha <3 you!

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Also, really hope the soundtrack CD for the movie is the stuff from the actual movie, because this might be the first soundtrack I've actually bought from a movie since like...fucking Pokemon The First Movie. Yeah, I bought it, I was like 12 when it came out, big whoop, wanna fight about it?


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 8:58 am 
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That was a captivating account. You ought to write a memoir. The perspective you maintain on all of this is rational and stalwart; all too many tales of perseverance (you have found TGFA's secret word) into hyper-positive, self-affirming platitudes that give the non-ironic motivational poster rackets a reason to exist. While you do find your pride intact amidst the emotional rubble, it's unique in that it cuts so genuinely to the point. It is, for lack of a better term, a somewhat "masculine" approach that I think sets your voice apart. I advise pursuit of this voice. Your stories are all there and the world would be better for knowing them, and to bestow that kind of gift to your fellow man would make your family wish they hadn't been such assholes.

Keep on :coookieesssss:

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 6:13 pm 
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i should note that we all posses masculine and feminine qualities.

+1 for soruja

keep on *coooookiesssssss*

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 10:22 pm 
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wow, i wish i could reach through the computer screen and give you a hug. i have the upmost respect for you and your friend for standing your ground. it sucks that some people, especially family, are as small minded and bigoted as they are, but i'm glad that you have great friends who will stick by you and help you through this difficult time.

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 25, 2012 1:20 am 
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I know we come from different backgrounds entirely, but having cunt family members...I can seriously relate to that.

It sucks that there's a lot of assholes out in the world, and it really sucks that that doesn't exclude family.

But, I think the longer you're away from them, Sanct, the more you'll realize that you don't miss them. It kind of hurts to think that about your own family, but...man, if they don't respect you, what do you really get out of keeping in contact with them? There's got to be a reason to keep in touch, and the good has to outweigh the bad.

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For someone who uses the ":3" emoticon way too much you're a scary motherfucker.


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 25, 2012 10:12 am 
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damn...tough choice to make but good for you for standing up. Your buddy is damn right a stand up person too.

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