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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 5:22 pm 
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neskiterraria.dyndns.org:7777

Limited to 8 simultaneous players for now, will expand as more ppl hop on.


CONTEST
WIN A FREE COPY OF TERRARIA (I have 2 to give away)

All you have to do is write a 3-paragraph crossover fanfic between your favorite RPG character and a PT Cruiser.



420 MINE COAL EVERY DAY

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 6:24 pm 
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Is that 3 paragraphs minimum, or does it need to be exactly 3 paragraphs?

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 6:36 pm 
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Morte_The_Skull wrote:
Is that 3 paragraphs minimum, or does it need to be exactly 3 paragraphs?


3 paragraph minimum. More greatly increases your chances of victory.

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 7:02 pm 
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PREPARE FOR THE GREATEST TALE EVER TOLD
(also what the fuck is a PT Cruiser? I know nothing of cars.)

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 7:20 pm 
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Morte_The_Skull wrote:
PREPARE FOR THE GREATEST TALE EVER TOLD
(also what the fuck is a PT Cruiser? I know nothing of cars.)

Image

:coookieesssss:

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 7:38 pm 
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I love my job.

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 9:23 pm 
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i have terraria... but i almost want to write one.

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 11:13 pm 
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Crashman wrote:
i have terraria... but i almost want to write one.

:cookieshuh: Likewise.

I'm just gonna write a sentence, and you guys can use that as a jump point from there:

Lucca embraced the PT Cruiser. This was wrong and she knew it, but that was what made it so right. She undressed, and planted her supple groin on the tailpipe, slowly enveloping it. There was a little blood, but she was tenacious, determined. As she shimmied into place, the vibration ran through her body and drummed in her ears, loud enough to drown out all thought and reason and left only lust. It was too much to bear the anticipation any longer, she shouted over the hum of the idling engine, "Crono, what the fuck are you waiting for up there? Did Lavos blast your weeaboo ass out of existence again or something? Rev the engine a little, faggot!!!"

...I refuse to spend any more time on that.

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 11:34 pm 
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Dammit, I was going to use Lucca. Ah well. Time for Planescape fanfiction.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 1:04 am 
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Haha. Dude, feel free to just add on that. I already own Terraria. I just had a terrible idea, and I had to let it spew forth out of my mind so that you'll all have to live with it, too.

I can't win the contest, I just needed to get that out of my system. :coookieesssss:

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 5:15 am 
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IF YOU ALREADY HAVE TERRARIA I SHALL GIVE YOU ANOTHER FREE GAME ON STEAM

This is too much literary goodness to waste

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 11:25 am 
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Fallout wrote:
IF YOU ALREADY HAVE TERRARIA I SHALL GIVE YOU ANOTHER FREE GAME ON STEAM

This is too much literary goodness to waste


deal

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 12:24 pm 
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Speeding down one of the Midgar highways, the PT Cruiser was indeed cruising at top speed. It was night and the weather a bit misty, and quite honestly it felt good. Being so close to all the Mako factories had given the PT Cruiser a sense of being sentient. It could think, it could love, more importantly it could dream. As it pondered this, he lost sight as to what he was doing. He hit something with a loud thud and spun around for several rotations before he stopped. PT felt sick, what had he done! Maybe he got lucky and it was just a road cone.

He could hear a little moaning sound. PT turned down his radio, which was playing his favorite Wild Arms music. He slowly turned towards the middle of the road where he saw white stuffing all over the place. PT got a little frightened. What in Terra did he hit? With his high beams on he slowly followed the trail of the puffy substance until it shined in the ditch. There was a small feline type critter lying there moaning. PT gasped the only way a PT Cruiser could. He flashed his lights towards the cat. No response. He honked a little, the cat stirred a bit, but not much.

What was PT going to do? He panicked, which caused his RPMs to go up for a moment. Then his interior light flashed on and he had an idea. He pulled around to the side in just the perfect fashion. He glanced up at his antennae and noticed the wind was blowing it in just the right way. He then concentrated. With a forced spurt, his windshield cleaner began to shoot from the hood right into the wind, where it was directed onto the cat. The cat began to stir and finally opened his eyes. Some of it got into his mouth, and while confused he enjoyed the taste. He began to lap it up with a smile. He finally noticed PT. They both stared at each other as the wiper fluid ran down the face and chest of the cat. He heard PT rev up a little and stepped back a moment.

"wh...Who are you?" the cat asked?

PT's lights flashed and the wiper fluid stopped. Using his new found mental abilities, he flooded the cat's mind with a sensual voice that he figured would be soothing.

~I am PT, I.... It seems I struck you.... Many apologies... your name?~

The cat looked shocked that this machine was filling his head with a voice. The voice though was soothing and the cat felt warm, as well as wet from the fluid. He purred a bit and spoke.

"Cait, Cait Sith"

PT allowed his engine to hum slightly, liking the name. Cait began to walk towards him slowly, letting the washer fluid soak into his fur. It stung his scrapes and scratches a bit, but he liked pain. PT noticed a flickering behind him.

~Mr Sith... you've dropped something~

Cait turned and saw his crown. He smirked back at PT.

"So I have."

Cait turned around and bent over, his tail flickering just a bit. Cait picked up the crown slowly and put it on his head. He then headed back over to PT.

~Where did all that stuffing come from?~

Cait frowned a little bit.

"Oh, that was my stuffed moogle... I used him as transportation... I guess I'll need to find.... some other way to get where I am" He smirked over to PT "... going."

If cars could blush, PT would have had a new coat of paint. He opened his passenger door welcoming Cait.

~I want you inside me~

Cait's fur stood up on end and his tail puffed up a bit. Almost looking scared, but in a good way. He slowly got in, his butt rubbing against the leather seats. Cait began to purr as he ran his paw across the smooth dash board. The door closed quickly with a thud that caught Cait off guard. He hissed a bit, but then chuckled.

~Where shall we go?~

Cait exposed a big toothy grin. "All the way."
~I know the perfect spot~
They began to zoom down the dark streets. Cait lied across the front seat, slowly turning the knobs on the climate control. He turned the heat all the way up and began to purr. If he were able, he would be sweating, but instead he slowly poked his tongue out and began to pant. Finally the PT parked in an empty lot outside of the Golden Saucer. It was the perfect time. The glove compartment opened and a pair of jumper cables fell out.

“Purrrr…. I like the way you think”

~F….first you will have to pop…. My hood..~

PT was nervous. These new emotions were still fairly new, but he could tell Cait was a pro. Cait gripped the cables in one hand and slowly leaned down underneath the steering wheel. His other paw slowly rubbed the gas pedal. He gave it a little push making PT’s engine roar. He smiled and began to rub the outside of the brake pedal. He then sat up.

~What’s wrong? Why did you stop?~


“I had a better idea….”

Cait looked back and started rubbing his paw on the emergency brake. He then pulled it up locking PT into position. Cait dropped the cables for now and focused on the stiff emergency brake. He slowly began to lick it, like it was a saucer of milk, perhaps even a GOLDEN SAUCER. Once the lever achieved the perfect wetness, Cait stood up. His small frame made it easy for him to move around in the cab. Cait began spread his legs and hovered his end a bit over the tip of the emergency brake.

~Th…. This is my first time…~

Cait grinned as he lowered himself onto the lever. As it began to disappear inside him, he let out a slow “yifffffff” sound. Once he made the entire lever vanish, he swiveled just a bit. His eyes were shut in ecstasy as he began to move his legs like little pistons up and down. PT’s engine began to hum louder and louder. Cait began to gyrate faster and faster. His frontal pouch began to grow and he could hardly contain himself as his feline member exposed itself. Cait began to grip it with his paw and tug on it. PT could not control the volume of the radio as it went from station to station rather quickly. Cait then pulled himself up for a moment and readied himself. He was very close. He went back down on the lever and tugged furiously, until he let out a feline squeal. Kitty butter began to spray from his member, covering the dash board in a milky treat. Cait pulled himself off of the emergency brake and crawled slowly under the steering while.

~My…. God…. That was..~

“I am not done yet PT” Cait said with a grin.

His hand explored the underside of the dash board until he felt the right knob. His fingers wrapped themselves around it and he gave a twisting pull. PT’s hood popped open. Cait grabbed the cables and left the sex filled interior. He climbed up onto the front of the car.
He placed the jumper cables in the right spots on the battery. He then began to lick himself in a few spots. He placed the positive clamp on his right nipple. With a grin he placed the negative clamp to the portion of thicker skin in one’s ball sack. He let out a groan as electricity began to fill him. PT was gentle with the waves of pain/bliss that he was sending through Cait’s little frame. Cait writhed in joy and began to twitch. Another load of kitty butter exited him and sprayed all over PT’s cute little engine. Cait unclamped himself and fell down onto the pavement. PT was worried, but soon felt the soft touch of Cait again. Cait stood up closing the hood and staring into his head lights. He grinned that familiar toothy grin and took his crown off.

“PT, you are my new king…..”

Cait set his crown onto PT and held him in his arms as the sun came up.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 4:07 pm 
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Neo New York, 2054

Charles Barkley was a goddamned hero. He, along with his son Hoopz, mastered the devastating Chaos Dunk and defeated the evil Shadow Barkley. Not only was the world saved from imminent destruction, but Basketball, the greatest sport of all time, was redeemed. Ballers around the world had a new reason to live. He was a hero. But now, a mere year after the events that changed everything, a new challenge arose. A terrible threat that threatened, terribly, Barkley's training of Hoopz in the sacred art of slamming and jamming. If this problem were to go unanswered, no one would ever be safe again.

Somebody stole Charles Barkley's vintage PT Cruiser.

Even through the wanton destruction caused by the unimaginable might of the Chaos Dunk in 2041, the day Barkley will never forget, the B-Ballnacht, he managed to keep his secret, underground, fortified, and incredibly ballin' garage in pristine condition. Cars, now vintage, that he has kept in full working order ever since his first check for becoming a professional baller was deposited. But no matter how populated the garage become, no matter how iced out and tricked out and pimped out his cars grew, one car never changed, both in terms of aesthetics and its place in Barkley's baller heart. The PT Cruiser. Five doors. Sleek but retro design. Turbocharged engine. The only addition made was a small decal in the corner of the back window, a basketball surrounded by flames, symbolizing Barkley's unabated passion for balling and reminding him never to give up, no matter how tough things get. After the first Chaos Dunk, Charles Barkley was lost. All he needed to get back on his feet was to sit in the full leather seat of his PT Cruiser, and imagine driving down the highway at an inoffensive 55 miles per hour, back when gasoline existed. But now, it was gone. The PT Cruiser. The true love of his life. Even Hoopz couldn't compare. He was going to find out who did this. And whoever it was, will regret having fucked with the savior of Basketball. His sad, longing gaze at the empty spot in the garage, free of dust, free of debree, free of his beloved PT cruiser, slowly grew into a furious glare wrought with vengeance, fury, and love. Words that forever sealed the fate of Barkley's unknown opponent escaped his lips with an air of solemn determination.

"It's time to slam."


TO BE CONTINUED, MAYBE

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 4:11 pm 
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=li8ZqVGzDXQ

This is the theme song of my story, listen to it while reading for the maximum slam and jam experience

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 7:15 pm 
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omg The Batman just invoked the greatest RPG of all time

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 8:02 pm 
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Holy shit, dude. *slow clap* The Theme Song just completely sealed the deal on how awesome that was.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 10:02 pm 
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Incoming.... wait for it....


Edit : Just read Batman's, with music as instructed. :\m/:

Crashman wrote:
Cait set his crown onto PT and held him in his arms as the sun came up.


Whelp... there goes any sleep I was going to get tonight.

Btw, who the fuck is Cait?

Googling : Oh, never played the FF series (I know, fuck me, I suck, go fuck yourselves)

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 12:01 am 
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Double post because I can't believe a spent a fucking hour writing this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NU75uz0b8EU (theme music for this post)

~~~

Link spat blood in fury.

“You Octoroc fucking fairy cunt!”

Wings exploded into pixie dust as Tatl disappeared under Link’s new spiked snow tires.

“Hey!” Navi exclaimed in shock, “Listen! That wasn’t our fault!”

“You’ve distracted me for the last time, Tinkertwat!”

He screamed over the mighty noise of the figure in the backseat, puffing away at the Ocarina of Pestilential Torment. Ciela’s light flickered as the fairy bounced across rocks and pavement, still chained behind Link’s Cruiser, barely clinging to life. Link jammed the break and the fairy ricocheted from a rock to splatter against the back window, accenting his “Nuke the Skull Kids” sticker with what passes in the fairy world for blood and innards.

“Hey!” Navi began again, “List…”

But she was cut short as Link red-lined the thunderous 2.4 L, 4 cylindered genocide machine. He reached up and delivered a quick backhand to the Navi-filled fuzzy Triforce that hung from the mirror, the spiked knuckles made from Epona’s broken hooves adding accent to the strike. The Ocarina’s melody blasted from the windows like a Skrillix cover of What a Wonderful World, turning the ground a deep black and causing ichor and gore to spew from the mountains. Trees cried purple chlorophyll and the wildlife looked skyward, compelled by the Nocturne of Dementia to blind themselves in the sun.

“Bitch never showed respect…” Link spoke through broken and jagged teeth : the force of the decapitation having left the tools of the action in a barely usable state. Zelda’s poorly removed head bobbed slightly on the make-shift hood ornament.

“But now we are one…” He looked down at his new body. Zelda’s tits were still as perky as ever, but this fucking dress had to go. He wondered for a moment if he was the first to shift with his sphincter? The rough road provided quite the driving experience for those who wished to be penetrated while venturing in the sleek, beautiful vehicle that was the 1944, Uranium Enriched PT Cruiser.

He called this cruiser Impa.

Link thought of all the fun he would have as soon as he figured out the right spell to alter his face to that of the princess’s. He scratched the neck stitches uncomfortably as he screamed,

“Silence back there!”

The music ceased and Error looked up in surprise. “Is there an Error, mistress?”

“Not you, the cunt in the trunk…” He dismissed Error’s question with a wave.

Saria, muffled by the gag, squirmed to free herself, but to no avail. Link paid no attention. Soon would be the time to feed the Skulltulas, and blessed silence would follow.

Error paused to lean forward. He handed a small vial to Malon’s zombie.

“I think I have it now, mistress.” He stated as he began to play again.

Links face contorted in pain and ecstasy as the cantankerous melody reshaped his flesh to match that which belonged to the body he was now affixed. A grin crossed his face as he looked upon Zelda’s healthy, unscathed form in the mirror.

“Always forced to be the hero... Disrespected by all… For a time I was perturbed, but no more… I am ready.” He turned to Malon’s zombie and nodded.

With a rotting hand, Malon placed the powder upon the vinyl steering wheel. The Triforce dust glistened in the fading light. Which was Wisdom, Courage or Power? Link thought he could tell but no longer cared; all three were inhaled in a single snort. Malon groaned lightly and placed an item upon Link’s lap.

“Ahh yes…” He exclaimed as raised the handcuffs from their resting place. He could still make out the emblems of the Master Sword, re-forged into these shackles.

“To the fortress!” Link cried in an echoing bastardization of Zelda’s voice.

“Hey!” Navi screeched as Link plucked the fuzzy Triforce from his mirror and jammed it into the reserve fuel shaft. Fairy blood mixed with life juices of the late Gerudos in a toxic concoction of hate powered nuclear fuck-sauce. Radiation flame shot across the Field of Termina, the blackened grass catching in a blaze that would burn throughout the 5 millennia which would later be named The Struggle for Naught.

Link spun the Master shackles on a single finger as they approached Death Mountain. Darunia was to be the first, but after….

“Gannon’s been a naughty boy…”

Zelda’s head, still impaled upon the White Sword, seemed to nod in agreement.

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 1:10 am 
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:cookieshuh:

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 1:54 am 
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I would have to agree, haha.

Also, I'm thinking about adding more onto the one that I wrote, but I really don't know how I can improve that. :cookieshmm:

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 3:19 am 
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Other than mine, of course, I like Namless' the best so far because he used the word "shimmied" in a sexual context

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 3:50 am 
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TheBatman wrote:
Other than mine, of course, I like Namless' the best so far because he used the word "shimmied" in a sexual context

Why thank you :awesome: I couldn't think of another word to describe the motion, honestly.

Also...I think I'm gonna write something else for it, but I'm at a loss for what. :cookieshmm:

Oh, and the rest of the ones in this thread are really, really lulzy. I can't stop laughing.

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 6:39 am 
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i figured by using Cait Sith, i could use "Yiff" since hes a cat, so its like a bit of furry porn too.

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 8:14 am 
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Crashman wrote:
i figured by using Cait Sith, i could use "Yiff" since hes a cat, so its like a bit of furry porn too.


The nightmares... The have returned!

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